Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can I color on your dick again?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
