I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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