Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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