We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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