About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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