mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
