Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
