U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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