Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
