he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
