woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
