I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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