im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
