Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
