I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This beer is not sobering me up at all
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
