you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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