We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
