I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
