Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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