Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
