In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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