he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
