I wannas sexs uuuuu
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
