oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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