i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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