Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
