just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You are the jesus of drinking
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
