you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
