I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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