You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
