This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
