I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
