please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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