hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
