just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
