i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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