No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
