He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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