i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
