she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
