i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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