fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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