i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Green mimosas i think yes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
