hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
