How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i out mim tonsoeep
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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