Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
