i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
