we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
