Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
