just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
