He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
