I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
