if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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