Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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