Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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