I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
