This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was like eating out sand paper
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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