i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
