if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Mom said you looked used
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
