Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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